The Jokers Wild

  

Two married buddies were out drinking when one turns to the other and says; "You know, every time I come home late I turn the headlights off before I get to the house, I shut the engine off and coast into the garage, I take my shoes off before I go in the house, I sneak upstairs and get undressed in the bathroom, I then put my foot in the toilet and pee down my leg to prevent any splashing sounds, I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for being out late!"

His buddy looks at him and says, "You're obviously taking the wrong approach.
  

I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes into the closet, jump into bed, slap her on the ass and shout, "WHO'S HORNY??".... and she acts like she's fast asleep every time."